It is pretty common for spouses to be at different places regarding their thoughts and intentions about getting a divorce. Spouses may even be on opposite ends of the spectrum with one spouse wanting a divorce tomorrow while the other wants to stay married forever. It is important to know that you can still get a divorce even if your spouse does not want one. Your spouse’s desire to remain married does not prevent you from initiating and ultimately obtaining a divorce. A divorce can either happen with a spouse and their cooperation or to that spouse without their cooperation. A divorce will ultimately happen either way.
When you are getting a divorce you need to pick a reason or grounds for the divorce. New Jersey is a “no-fault” state. This means you do not have to prove your spouse is “at fault” as a reason for the marriage ending. Most people choose the no fault grounds of irreconcilable differences, which means you have not been getting along for at least six months and there is no hope to resolve these differences. Many people opt for the grounds of irreconcilable differences, even if fault reasons (such as adultery, addiction, or extreme cruelty) exist. You need to prove that a fault reason occurred. You cannot just accuse your spouse of various transgressions without any supporting evidence. Many people do not want to put in this extra effort and instead opt for irreconcilable differences.
Even if your spouse is not interested in getting a divorce, the divorce process will still move forward. It may be helpful to understand your options and how New Jersey’s courts address such a scenario. For this reason, Westfield Mediation offers a one-time consultation for the spouse that wants the divorce, to help this person understand the divorce process in New Jersey, including the potential financial and emotional costs of litigation through court. During the half-hour consultation, it is reviewed how divorce mediation can be of service. A spousal refusal to agree to the divorce will not prevent it. It is the hope that the more interested spouse relays this information to the more reluctant spouse- this divorce will happen and here are the options. This can sometimes motivate a resistant spouse to engage in mediation as a more controlled and less destructive alternative to a contested divorce.
Once the divorce mediation process begins with both people involved, the divorce mediator focuses on the concrete issues that need to be addressed in a divorce agreement. These may include child custody, parenting time, child support, spousal support (alimony), and the equitable distribution of marital assets and debts. The mediator can help both parties understand that a divorce settlement, whether mediated or litigated, almost always involves compromise. There is a huge benefit of reaching an agreement that you control, rather than having one imposed by a judge. Either way an agreement will be executed, either by your own doing or a judge’s decision.
Even if your spouse is unwilling to divorce, the path to dissolving your marriage is available. While it is a challenging dynamic, a divorce mediator offers a non-adversarial, cost-effective, and empowering path forward, even when only one spouse initially wants to end the marriage.
