You thought you were done when you were granted your divorce decree. And many people are done…but not everyone. Sometimes, new challenges emerge at some point in the aftermath of a divorce. From navigating child custody and parenting plan holiday schedules to adjusting spousal support or dealing with unexpected financial changes, post-divorce life may be taxing at times and you will need to update your divorce agreement.

When these issues arise, some people try to hash them out themselves. Other people’s first instinct is to head to court, especially if the parties did not use a divorce mediator for their initial divorce. However, trying to wing it yourself to get it right this time or returning to litigation can be risky. A do-it-yourself process may have you miss something once again and just continue the pattern of having to return to court to update your agreement every time an issue arises. And litigation can be expensive, time-consuming, and emotionally draining. It can reignite old conflicts and make it even harder to coparent effectively.

There is a better way. Enter post-divorce mediation.

Post-divorce mediation at Westfield Mediation is a voluntary, confidential process where a neutral third party, the mediator, helps you and your ex-spouse/coparent communicate and negotiate a resolution to your disagreements. You can utilize post-divorce mediation no matter which avenue you originally used for your divorce.

Here’s why mediation is a powerful tool for resolving post-divorce issues:

1. It Puts You in Control. In court, a judge makes the final decision. In post-divorce mediation, you and your ex-spouse/coparent are the decision-makers. The mediator facilitates the conversation, but you retain the power to create an agreement that you both can live with for your new futures. Because you contributed to the resolution, each of you are more likely to follow through with the updated divorce agreement. So, post-divorce mediation can lower the possibility of another future conflict.
2. It is Less Confrontational. Post-divorce mediation is designed to be a safe space for open communication. The mediator helps keep the conversation productive and focused on solutions, not on rehashing old hurts. This is especially crucial when children are involved, as it models healthy conflict resolution.
3. It is More Cost-Effective. Legal fees for litigation can quickly add up. A mediator’s fees are a fraction of the cost of a full court battle, and the time commitment is significantly shorter. You are directly communicating with one another and can reach resolutions faster. You save time and money. There is no retainer required. You pay for the time that you used at the end of each meeting.
4. It is Flexible and Creative. The rigid rules of a courtroom can limit the types of solutions that are possible. Mediation allows for creative, customized solutions that fit your unique situation. Whether you need to adjust a holiday schedule to accommodate a new job or renegotiate a support agreement due to a change in income, a mediator can help you explore a wide range of options.
5. It Fosters Better Coparenting. Going to court to fight over your children can damage your coparenting relationship for years to come. Post-divorce mediation, by its very nature, encourages cooperation and communication. When you successfully mediate an issue, you build a foundation of trust and respect that can make future coparenting smoother.

What Kinds of Issues Can Be Mediated After a Divorce?

The short answer is almost anything! Post-divorce mediation is an excellent option for:

• Revising Child Custody and Parenting Time Schedules: Adapting to a child’s changing needs, new jobs, or geographical moves.
• Modifying Child Support or Spousal Support: Addressing changes in income, health issues, or other significant life events.
• Disagreements over Extracurricular Activities: Deciding on sports, camps, activities, or religious education.
• Addressing Education and Cost of Education: Maybe you moved and now you have to figure out where your children are going to school. How are you paying for college (oops- this was not addressed in your original divorce agreement)?
• Disputes over Property or Assets: Handling the sale of a shared home or managing joint investments. You thought you already addressed this in your original divorce decree but now are each interpreting the agreement differently.

While post-divorce mediation is not the right fit for every situation (for example, cases involving domestic violence or a significant power imbalance), for the vast majority of post-divorce issues, it is the most sensible and effective path forward.

If you find yourself at odds with your ex-spouse/coparent, consider reaching out to a mediator at Westfield Mediation. Taking this proactive step can help you find common ground, save you time and money, and ultimately, pave the way for a more peaceful and stable future for you and your family.