The term divorce is heavy and significant. It carries the weight of legal filings, courtroom benches, and a clear before and after. You were officially married from date x to date y. But what if you spent ten years building a life with a partner without a marriage license and that relationship runs it course. While there is no official start and end date to the liaison, the end of that relationship may still feel just as weighty and important. And you probably have crucial issues to address. You might have any number of joint assets and debts- a shared lease or mortgage, a pet or two, joint bank accounts, shared credit card debt, etc. Or, most importantly, you have children together.
The common misconception is that if you were not legally married, you do not have access to the same pathways as a divorce to address dividing up your lives. You might think your only options are a messy let us figure-it-out-as-we-go or an intense civil lawsuit. The reality is that mediation is not just for people who had a wedding, it is for anyone who needs to untangle a life.
When a married couple splits, there are pre-set legal tracks to follow. When an unmarried couple splits, the routes can feel murky. This is where mediation at Westfield Mediation shines. In mediation, you can account for the nuances of an unmarried partnership. You can create an agreement that reflects your specific history and future needs.
You need a guide to ask the appropriate questions for you to answer that will help you unravel your togetherness. And when that guide is a mediator, it is a cost-effective, private process. Your final agreement will address all of the financial topics typically addressed in a divorce agreement, such as what is happening with the house, bank accounts, credit cards, cars, cell phone plan, etc. And it will lay out your parenting plan and everything to do with the children. You will want to clarify in writing who is spending time with the children when, what activities they are doing, who is paying for what, the amount of child support, the school they attend, etc.
Even without a marriage certificate, you likely have marital-style problems to solve. And these all can be addressed in mediation. A common question is: “If we aren’t married, is a mediation agreement even legal?” Once you reach an agreement, the mediator drafts a Memorandum of Understanding, which is a report that reflects all of the agreements you reached in mediation regarding the numerous topics discussed throughout the mediation process. You can then use this Memorandum of Understanding document to make your decisions official. However, the process of making the final agreement legally binding is done outside of mediation by either using attorneys, the courts or otherwise made binding by you. By the way, the same holds true for married couples. Any agreements reached during mediation are not made legally binding during the process of mediation- regardless of your marital status.
If you and your partner want to move on without destroying your bank accounts, your own and your kids’ peace of mind or your co-parenting relationship, mediation is likely your best path forward. You do not need a marriage certificate to deserve a respectful, organized, and cost-effective exit from a significant relationship.
