Is it better to have a set parenting time plan or just wing it each week? In reality the answer is that many families have to do a little bit of both.  However, most kids tend to do better with a more consistent schedule and when they know what to expect.  A child might find comfort in some regularity. The child knows that it is Tuesday so mom is picking me up after soccer or it is Thursday so Dad is bringing me to school.  But in reality, some Tuesday mom may have to travel for work and can’t pick a child up from soccer or Dad has an early meeting this Thursday and can’t take a child to school.  So, parents and children need to be flexible with one another.

A parenting plan on paper is a wonderful starting point.  It gives everyone a point of reference.  You map out who has parenting time when in an ideal world.  From there you can deal with the real world and make changes on a case-by-case basis.  So sometimes you do have to fly by the seat of your pants.  You flip flop your parenting time from Thursday to Tuesday this one week.  Or you swap a weekend because the Thanksgiving holiday will give one parent three weekends in a row. 

During the process of divorce mediation at Westfield Mediation, LLC, we help co-parents develop a parenting plan that works for everyone, at least most of the time. There are just so many ways that a parenting plan can get temporarily disrupted. The parents’ needs, the children’s schedules, holidays, vacations, special occasions, sick days, weather and traffic are just some examples.  We address these issues as well during mediation.

Then there are the weeks that nothing is changed.  Everyone knows what to expect and life runs as scheduled.  And even if an hour or day gets altered during a week, the rest of the week can still run according to plan.  Overall, it is better to have a written parenting plan and make changes as needed than always improvise who has parenting time when each week. 

For more information about parenting plans and divorce mediation, please contact Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373.  View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com