Divorce is rarely described as pleasant, but it does not have to be a courtroom drama either. There is a way to untie the knot without the scorched-earth tactics of a traditional trial, like you often see dramatically portrayed in the movies. Divorce mediation can be the smartest path forward. It is not a legal battle. Think of divorce mediation as a structured conversation led by an experienced professional. The divorce mediator knows what you do not know about getting a divorce and can make sure that the conversations cover all the important topics you want included in your divorce agreement.
Divorce mediation is a voluntary process where a neutral third party- the divorce mediator- helps a couple reach an agreement on the terms of their separation and/or divorce. By the end of the mediation process you will have addressed all of the areas covered in a divorce agreement- parenting, division of marital assets and debts, child support, spousal support, and anything else that you want written into your divorce agreement. Perhaps you want in writing how to handle the family pet or a special family heirloom. You leave the process of mediation with a Memorandum of Understanding (MOU), which is just a fancy term for a report that reflects all of the agreements reached in mediation.
The divorce mediator is not a judge. The divorce mediator does not make decisions for you or tell you who is right and who is wrong. Instead, the divorce mediator facilitates the conversation and communication to help you find common ground on all the topics addressed in your agreement. At the end of the divorce mediation process you will have a clear understanding of where the kids are spending their time on a day-to-day basis and special occasions and holidays, and everything else about the kids (extra-curricular activities, education, doctors, travel, etc.). You will have a record of who is paying for what, what is happening with the house, where you will be living, what car you will be driving, what you will have in retirement funds, bank accounts, investments, and credit card debt. You will know who is paying who, how much, and for how long in child support and/or spousal support (alimony).
You can decide if divorce mediation is a good fit for your needs. It generally takes between four (no parenting plan needed) and six (parenting plan needed) meetings in total. Some people are done faster, and some take a little longer, depending on how complicated or not complicated your situation is and how quickly or not quickly you reach decisions. Meetings are scheduled for one hour at your convenience. There is no set schedule to which you must adhere. And what is done during these meetings?
Divorce mediation at Westfield Mediation, LLC, follows a general protocol. The first meeting tends to be the same for all clients. The divorce process in New Jersey is reviewed. These are the steps you need to take outside of mediation (typically when the divorce mediation process is completed) through the court system to officially get divorced. Also reviewed is how divorce mediation works and how it is different from some other ways of getting a divorce. And then how Westfield Mediation functions is explained, clarifying what can and cannot be expected. Any questions clients may have are discussed. Clients can either make plans for future meetings or go home and think about the best next steps forward. There is no obligation to continue with the process if you decide after that first meeting that divorce mediation is not for you. If clients want to continue with divorce mediation then the topic of the next meeting is determined by your circumstances.
If you have children, the next meeting will address a parenting plan. Clients are given a parenting questionnaire ahead of time to help prepare for the topics that will be discussed. It is meant to give a heads up regarding the subject matters and it is not official homework that needs to be filled out and returned to the mediator. Typically a parenting plan takes one to two meetings to develop.
After your parenting plan is completed, or not needed if you have no children, the focus is on the division of the marital assets and debts. There is now a financial questionnaire to help clients think about the topics that will be discussed. Not official homework. But before clients can divvy it up you have to acknowledge what there is to divide. This is where some actual homework does occur. Clients need to share financial documents with the divorce mediator that show the marital portfolio. So there is usually one meeting to create a spreadsheet that acknowledges the marital assets and debts. A marital asset and marital debt is anything that was accrued during the course of the marriage. There are exceptions and caveats, but generally it is any asset or debt, regardless of the name on the account. For many people, these assets and debts include a home, mortgage, retirement accounts, investments, cars, car loans, bank accounts, credit card debt, and student loans.
The next meeting (or two) is focused on allocating the marital assets and marital debt. There are a lot of important decisions to be made that can shape your financial future. So sometimes you jump back and forth between support issues, budgets and assets and debts. They can all be interrelated.
If clients have not already addressed it during the allocation process, child support and spousal support will now be discussed. The homework for this part of the process is completing Part D of Case Information Statement, which is the monthly expenses form. This document helps plan for a monthly budget for your new futures once the divorce is finalized and you are each living in a separate residence. This is related to support monies so you can plan how much of your new budget will be towards paying support and how much of your new budget will get paid out of monies you are receiving in support. Usually the person paying support thinks they are paying too much and the person receiving the support thinks they are receiving too little. And the reality is you end up at an agreed upon amount.
The final meeting is to review the weekly parenting plan, holiday parenting chart, allocations on your spreadsheet of the marital assets and debts, budget forms, the child support guidelines, and the Memorandum of Understanding from start to finish. These are all the documents you created during the process of divorce mediation. All of the numbers represented on these documents are spelled out in great detail in the Memorandum of Understanding.
While a divorce mediator helps you reach an agreement, they do not file the legal paperwork for you. That is done outside of mediation. But the mediator can discuss the options for next steps to get your divorce finalized.
Is divorce mediation right for you? It works well for a lot of people. However, divorce mediation is not appropriate when there is domestic violence or a significant power imbalance in the relationship. Divorce mediation allows you to stay in control of the process, remains confidential, is done at your own pace and provides significant cost savings. It is an excellent choice for couples who want to maintain a civil relationship for the sake of their children or simply want to save their sanity, their savings and maintain their privacy.
